Transparency

Thought I’d do a small-ish life update. As you’ve probably noticed, I haven’t been advertising as much lately. Frankly, I’ve been extremely burnout. My surgery in November took it out of me mentally. There was a lot of behind-the-scenes things that got triggered by it. When you’re bleeding out alone and terrified on a Tuesday morning at 2am, you do start to reconsider a lot of things in life and who’s in it. It almost felt like I was starting from scratch since then, and a lot of ways I have. The annoying part was that Post-Grad was to be my start over plan, or at least part of it and well, the world had other plans. Long story short, Studylink royally screwed me and the University then tired making me pay for Studylinks bollocks. I got an email literally today saying they’ve accepted my fee reconsideration. So, I don’t have to pay the fees regardless of me withdrawing - because they were damn well trying to make me. Which, I would have got lawyers involved had they not accepted it because of the level of bureaucratic stupidity that was going on with Studylink. But that means no study, no more study ever unless it’s self-funded. Which at $2.3k per paper is absolute robbery. I already have a horrendous student loan hanging over my head. Education should be free. If you want a better society, education should be free but apparently that’s far too radical. Even though it was free two generations ago. 

So, between the surgery and my hope for study being crushed to tiny bits, I’ve been left rather exhausted and in this state of just wanting to exist without anything lording over me. Unfortunately, I will probably have to rejoin society soon, however there’s absolutely no jobs out there in this… Cluster fuck of a… Trying to not get too political. Though the thought of getting a “normal” job again makes me want to stab myself in the foot. Funnily enough, I’ve never be more degraded and exploited than when I was working a normal job. Sex Work has been for the most part, the opposite, maybe not the Agency part of my industry journey but I find it rather ironic. And don’t fret, I’d still do this work if I ever got other employment - not that I want to, if I get one more tyrant of a Boss I think I’d snap, buy a tent a go live in the forest. Regardless, you wonderful bunch of regulars have really helped keep me, not only a float while in this weird transitional period, but also the insanity of a few of you have really just helped immensely mentally, and materially. I still can’t get over how lucky I am to have you lot, and can’t say thank you enough. This probably sounded overly doom and gloom, but it’ll be fine. I’m doing self-study now. Frankly, I think this works better for me. My Professor has been supportive, so if I end up finishing anything, they’ll help point me in the right directions. I’m just tired. Really tired. But it too shall pass. Hopefully soon though, because my savings are pathetic and I want to go do things that require funding. And I need to work more for that lol. Stay safe, stay sane as always xx